


In the Stars

by Curt_Kenobi



Category: Velvet Goldmine
Genre: Angst, Curt-centric, Gen, allusion to major character death, mention of drug use
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-18
Updated: 2016-09-18
Packaged: 2018-08-15 16:21:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 676
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8063395
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Curt_Kenobi/pseuds/Curt_Kenobi
Summary: The stars are the soul shining down.





	

**Author's Note:**

> From way back in November 2006.

**Title:** In the Stars  
**Author:** Curt Kenobi  
**Summary:** The stars are the soul shining down.  
**Genre:** Angst (of course) and Spiritual (surprisingly)  


*~~*~*~~*~*~*~~*~*~~*~*~*~~*~*~~*

When I was little, I used to look to the stars. When I was in over my head, they were always above, twinkling pin-pricks of light upon that canvas of inky black. The fact that the black trackmarks on my yellow-white skin was that night sky inverted wasn't lost upon me later on.

I used to pray to the stars. Appeal to them to save me. To take me away, to give me oblivion. Just give me freedom, if only for a moment -- but forever would be better. Eventually, I did get away. Eventually, I found oblivion could come from a needle's liquid shot into my veins instead of just death -- not as permanent, and the bliss that came was wonderful, if it only was a few moments. The stars twinkled above me all the while, a silent witness.

I used to lay beside _him_ and stare at the stars. "That's the Gods staring down at me in envy," he said, so casual and self-assured. I looked into his aquamarine eyes, and I saw the stars. That's the Gods blessing me, I thought.

I looked to the sky the night I stormed out. Couldn't really see the stars then. The sky was black like my heart. Cold and lonely. A void. I did find stars -- but they were behind my eyes as a barstool crashed into the back of my skull and streaking across my mind when the sun's evil, cruel light stabbed me in my nasty hangover.

I stopped looking to the traitorous stars for a while after that.

And then came the night with the boy. I looked to the stars once again. There they were, shining and magnificent, welcoming. I told him to make a wish on a falling star -- maybe he made a wish for _this_ falling star, me. We saw something extraordinary that night in the stars. He was extraordinary to me. So wide-eyed, but at the same time so knowing. So...healing. So loving. He was what I had thought I had in "true love". But no -- this. And as we lay together, content under the stars, I thanked them blissfully.

But then morning, harsh morning came. And brought along harsh reason. I liked this kid -- he was all I'd never been. He was all I desperately, truly needed as far as human contact went. The drugs took away everything...for a short while. And then real life bitch-slapped me. But I couldn't keep him. I couldn't. He deserved better, better than me. Better than the broken, fucked-up, fuck up, junky cynic that I was. Sure, I used him and seemingly threw him away -- fuck, I did throw him away. But I couldn't deal with his innocence, and didn't want him to deal with me.

Years passed while I refused to look at the stars again.

Finally, after having to deal with those pesky bastards telling me what I could and couldn't say and this journalist who had the most damnable timing, I went out and looked to the sky. The first stars were beginning to shine.

" _Make it right, you fuckers. Do...something._ "

I met a journalist in the bar. Something about him spoke to me. I finally realised: he was the boy, my boy. I gave him that pin -- that pin that had meant me and my "true love" -- "for his image", as it had been given to me. I gave it to him whether he wanted or not.

I am the stars now. I see _Tommy_ , ever the famous one. I see Arthur, busy with his articles, the shadows that have gathered even more in his eyes. I see the frown mar Tommy's face, so unlike that one that I knew, at the mention of his past life and how Arthur has unveiled it. And I see the tender smile on Arthur's face as he gazes at that green pin.

And I shine free. Finally.


End file.
